Focus: The Power of Forgiveness | October 20 Boundaries, Health, and Letting Go of Poison

Boundaries, Health, and Letting Go of Poison

Each new week in our forgiveness journey brings fresh examples—public, political, and deeply personal—of why real freedom is impossible without learning to let go. From viral headlines to awkward family dinners, we see how easily grudges become our default, affecting our words, our bodies, and even the course of our lives. Yet both Scripture and science insist: the price of bitterness is too high, and the fruit of forgiveness is far richer than the short-lived victory of holding onto hurt.

The Bible repeatedly equates stubborn, unprocessed pain with spiritual danger:

“For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry...” (1 Samuel 15:23).

Genuine forgiveness, in biblical terms, is not about being a doormat or enabling repeated violation. It's about drawing healthy personal and spiritual boundaries—and then refusing to let our inner lives be controlled by the actions or failures of another.

Years of research summarized in Harvard Women’s Health Watch now confirm that clinging to resentment “can harm our health... even when it comes to weightier offenders, such as a sabotaging colleague or an unfaithful spouse.” Forgiveness, they report, “boosts our mental well-being by reducing anxiety and depression... eases stress, improves sleep, and lowers blood pressure and heart rate.” Contrary to what some fear, forgiveness “doesn’t condone the harm you’ve suffered... It’s simply replacing ill will toward an offender with goodwill.” This does not mean staying in abusive situations or pretending nothing ever happened. Harvard’s cited experts, including Dr. Craig Malkin, clarify: “A state of forgiveness is accepting that what happened is over... It doesn’t require forgetting, excusing, or immediate reconciliation.”

The journey isn’t always easy. The article describes practical forgiveness strategies that anyone can learn:

• Process your pain—privately, honestly describe what happened and what you want to release.
• Reflect honestly—consider weighing the true cost of a long-held grudge, and how it has affected your health.
• Lead with vulnerability—instead of withdrawal or lashing out, express what you truly feel.

As the article and popular recovery wisdom say, “Holding onto anger is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies” (origin unknown). We all know what happens next—the poison stays with the one who refused to let go.

Bible Verses

Galatians 5:22-23:

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”

Ephesians 4:31-32:

“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”

Colossians 3:13:

“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”

Matthew 5:44:

“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”

1 Samuel 15:23:

“For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king.”

Call to Action

This week, write out a list of boundaries you need, or wish you could, set with others who have hurt you. For each person or circumstance, name what is safe and what is not. Next to each, recount any grudge or ill will you might still be carrying. Privately, using the Harvard strategy, journal what it would look like to release the poison—the expectation that holding this grudge helps you in any way.

In prayer, release both the people and the pain to God—without pretending, but expressing your vulnerability and what you hope to see changed in yourself. Look for even small shifts in peace, energy, or physical well-being. As you progress, practice expressing honest feelings (not blame or attack) with safe people who are part of your story.

Three Things to Remember

• Unforgiveness is self-inflicted pain; the bitterness one holds often poisons only the holder (origin unknown).
• Healthy boundaries are biblical—being “kind, tenderhearted, forgiving” never means staying in harm’s way or denying reality.
• Letting go, day by day, enables the Spirit’s fruit and releases you for joy, health, and purpose again.

Reference:

All health and psychology insights in this post are adapted exclusively from: “Not just good for the soul,” Harvard Women’s Health Watch (Harvard Health Publishing, 2023), https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/not-just-good-for-the-soul