The Accuser’s Darts – Breaking the Cycle of Shame
Story: It was when I was a young mother trying to make ends meet that I took a job with the State through a temporary agency. I was officially a single mother and was trying to figure things out. I had gotten onto public assistance temporarily while I got my bearings straight. As I began to transition out of the system, I had to report my earnings to my social worker, and then they would send me the difference.
I took a position at Administrative Hearings in downtown Sacramento, and within months, I was running my little area. I became good friends with the Bureau Chief; she respected me and wanted to hire me. Unfortunately, I could not pass the entry exam, as I don’t do well on tests. I would lock up, my brain freezing at the thought of any test.
About ten months into my assignment, I noticed my checks from the State were being interrupted and became inconsistent. I began to call my social worker, but she treated me with disdain and was often rude.
One month, I didn’t receive a check, which was odd since nothing had really changed. After leaving several urgent calls for my social worker, she finally called me back, reprimanding me and saying I shouldn’t be getting a check because I had been overpaid. I responded, “How is that possible? I make the same amount each month and I am counting on the difference.”
She huffed and said she would look into it. A week went by, and the check finally came in. I could now complete my back rent and get a small grocery for my daughters. I opened the envelope and was surprised at what I got. The social worker sent me a check for $1.00.
I went into panic mode. I had no one to go to—no family, no real friends, and no real connections. The babysitter had to be paid again, and there were other pending items. I knew that when something falls behind, the rest falls behind as well, like a domino effect.
I decided to speak with my supervisor, the Bureau Chief of Administrative Hearings. As I entered the Chief’s office and sat down, I asked her, “Chief, am I doing a great job here?” The Chief responded, “Yes. I would love to hire you, but you must pass the Clerk’s entry test.” I cringed and told her that I was still trying but kept failing. She responded that she would do her best to keep my position open to give me enough time to pass, but that time was running out as I had been there close to a year. I thanked her and said I would try harder.
The Chief then asked me what was troubling me. I asked, “What is the least amount that a social worker can disburse to a client?” The Chief gave me a puzzled look and asked for specifics. “What is the back story?”
It was at that moment that I told her I was transitioning out of the welfare system. Before I could finish, she asked, “What? You are on public assistance? I would have never known this. I had no idea.”
I told her that I wanted to get off, but it’s impossible when my social worker doesn’t want to work with me. I never looked at my file at work; no one knows that I am on public assistance, and I am a single mother of two. I began to cry. “I can’t be like others who get a check and manipulate the system, but now I understand why people do—because of social workers like mine.”
The Chief asked me what happened. I explained that I had been reporting my hours and would get a subsidized check, but this time, I had to fight my social worker to get the recent check, which by the way came two weeks late. The Chief asked, “Was it what you expected?” I said, “May I show you?”
I handed her the check. She took it, looked at the front and back, and then looked at me, holding back her tears. She said, “I’m sorry.”
She asked me for the name of my social worker, and I gave it to her. She looked into her database and, to her surprise, found the social worker was one of hers. She picked up the phone and called the social worker’s extension on speaker. The Chief proceeded to ask her about my case, and the social worker tried to say that they had overpaid me, but the Chief stopped her and told her to bring down my file.
Several minutes later, there was a knock at the door. The Chief told her to come in. When the social worker saw me, she asked what I was doing there, and the Chief responded, “Grace is one of my best clerks in this office, and she brought a matter to my awareness. Please give me her case file.” The social worker handed over the file, and the Chief said, “Sit down.”
We sat in awkward silence for several minutes, but it felt like hours. The Chief thumbed through my case file and asked, “Where are Grace’s monthly income reports?” The social worker had to show the Chief. The Chief took out her calculator, adding things, then asking more questions and adding more.
When the Chief finished auditing my case file, she asked the social worker, “Tell me about this case.” The social worker started to say that at times I wasn’t compliant and that I was not reporting my hours, that she couldn’t get a hold of me most times. Before she could continue, the Chief stopped her. The Chief turned to me and said, “After reviewing your case file, the State owes you money, and a check will be issued to you.”
Speaking of checks, the Chief turned to the social worker and showed her the check for $1.00. The Chief asked, “How much does it cost the State to print up a $1.00 check—the labor, the machinery, the material, and the time? This check cost far more than this.” She told the social worker, “You owe Grace an apology,” and the social worker apologized. The Chief asked, “When will Grace expect the check?” “By tomorrow,” the social worker stated.
If You Find Yourself Under Assault
Remember: holding up the shield of faith extinguishes every fiery dart.
(Discover more tools for defense in Shield of Faith – Defending Against Spiritual Attacks.)
Relevance Today
Shame and self-condemnation are Satan’s most effective weapons. God’s grace and faith are your defense.
Bible Verses
Micah 7:19
Ephesians 6:16
Romans 3:23
1 John 1:9
Call to Action
Declare God’s forgiveness over your life.
Use faith to block accusations and shame.
Support others in their spiritual battles.
Things to Remember
Satan’s accusations cannot stand against God’s forgiveness.
Faith—anchored in Christ—is your best defense.
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